I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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