My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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