Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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