I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ok first of all what the fuck
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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