I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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