Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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