I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
