i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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