WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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