The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize