please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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