The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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