is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What a dumb baby whore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
