idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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