Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
