he wants to bone in the snuggie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
