this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
