I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
