How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
