I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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