If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
