If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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