is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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