I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
