I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
