I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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