Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
