You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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