I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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