Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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