he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
