if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
