I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
