Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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