the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
