my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
