Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
