I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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