bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
