Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
