I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
