i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
