i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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