My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
