You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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