anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
