im having a threesome with these popsicles
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
