Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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