: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
