She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
