the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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