I just threw up on my dentist
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
