when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
