every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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