I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
