i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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