well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
