just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
