Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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