You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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