I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
