Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
