Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
