Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
