Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
