I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
