love makes seman taste better
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
