In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
