Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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