I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
