Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My ass is underappreciated
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
