I looked at my own cervix.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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