Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
