arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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