There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
