Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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