He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
