alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
