At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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