i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
