He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize