meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
