dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
