i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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