I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize