he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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