At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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