wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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