can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
