Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
