a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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