You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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