Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
