i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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