I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The air was thick with penises
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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