Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wear drunk well.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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