those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
